I feel like everybody looks down on me now because I stopped wearing a headscarf (2024)

So I stopped wearing a hijab/headscarf in early 2021. I’m in my early 20’s and been wearing it since my teen years. I feel like I just wore it so I wouldn’t be judged by my family and community but I always hated it and because it wasn’t fully my choice it stifled my personality and ruined my confidence. I felt so sh*tty about myself and resented it so I decided to just take it off.

I stopped wearing it earlier this year and I feel better. But navigating people in my life seeing me differently now is very exhausting. Like I met up with an old childhood friend last summer after not seeing her in a while and she was really disappointed seeing me without a hijab and was like “I remember when you used to wear one you looked so innocent” like so do I look like a hoe now or something?

My immediate family is cool with it (they were shocked at first but got over it) but I feel like everybody else looks down on me now even non Muslim friends and acquaintances. A non Muslim friend of mine who used to always compliment me and hype me up when she saw me never does anymore. My extended family def looks down on me and sees me as “lost”. I’ve noticed so many people switching up with me and it really sucks. The thing is I haven’t changed at all personality wise it’s just my outer appearance. I kind of just want to move far away and start my life over because it seems that I’ll always be known as “the girl that took off her scarf”. I just had to get this off my chest..

incogneato said:

So I stopped wearing a hijab/headscarf in early 2021. I’m in my early 20’s and been wearing it since my teen years. I feel like I just wore it so I wouldn’t be judged by my family and community but I always hated it and because it wasn’t fully my choice it stifled my personality and ruined my confidence. I felt so sh*tty about myself and resented it so I decided to just take it off.

I stopped wearing it earlier this year and I feel better. But navigating people in my life seeing me differently now is very exhausting. Like I met up with an old childhood friend last summer after not seeing her in a while and she was really disappointed seeing me without a hijab and was like “I remember when you used to wear one you looked so innocent” like so do I look like a hoe now or something?

My immediate family is cool with it (they were shocked at first but got over it) but I feel like everybody else looks down on me now even non Muslim friends and acquaintances. A non Muslim friend of mine who used to always compliment me and hype me up when she saw me never does anymore. My extended family def looks down on me and sees me as “lost”. I’ve noticed so many people switching up with me and it really sucks. The thing is I haven’t changed at all personality wise it’s just my outer appearance. I kind of just want to move far away and start my life over because it seems that I’ll always be known as “the girl that took off her scarf”. I just had to get this off my chest..

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If you don't mind me asking, are you African or from the middle east?

Lisa willis said:

If you don't mind me asking, are you African or from the middle east?

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I’m African

incogneato said:

So I stopped wearing a hijab/headscarf in early 2021. I’m in my early 20’s and been wearing it since my teen years. I feel like I just wore it so I wouldn’t be judged by my family and community but I always hated it and because it wasn’t fully my choice it stifled my personality and ruined my confidence. I felt so sh*tty about myself and resented it so I decided to just take it off.

I stopped wearing it earlier this year and I feel better. But navigating people in my life seeing me differently now is very exhausting. Like I met up with an old childhood friend last summer after not seeing her in a while and she was really disappointed seeing me without a hijab and was like “I remember when you used to wear one you looked so innocent” like so do I look like a hoe now or something?

My immediate family is cool with it (they were shocked at first but got over it) but I feel like everybody else looks down on me now even non Muslim friends and acquaintances. A non Muslim friend of mine who used to always compliment me and hype me up when she saw me never does anymore. My extended family def looks down on me and sees me as “lost”. I’ve noticed so many people switching up with me and it really sucks. The thing is I haven’t changed at all personality wise it’s just my outer appearance. I kind of just want to move far away and start my life over because it seems that I’ll always be known as “the girl that took off her scarf”. I just had to get this off my chest..

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I am so sorry to hear that. Definitely those friends of yours are not it. Their comments are just rude. They should be able to respect your decision and be there for you. The only thing that has probably changed about you is the fact that you don't wear your hijab anymore, but you are the same person. Maybe have prejudices about it... I have Muslim friends that have went thru similar situations. Either way, remember, it's not your job to make the people around you understand, like or accept you. If you are happy with your decision, then that's all what matters here. I am more than sure that you will be able to find people who will appreciate you...

incogneato said:

I’m African

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I'll take it you're either Northern African or Somali. It sounds like you'll need a new group of friends that accept your transition to a butterfly. Some people get so used to us being a certain way that when we divulge from that it makes them uncomfortable. It's sad, but we end up outgrowing people. What are your interest and hobbies? I would try joining events and clubs that are tailored to your liking so you can meet new people.

Remember "self esteem" is "esteem of the self." You can raise your esteem by changing the way you think about yourself. Other people's opinions don't have to be that important. They don't know your soul.

ETA: I have several hijabi friends, from Arabs to Indians to Africans. I would never presume to judge them.

Extended family often pigeon holes us based on their general ideas. But we must all live by our convictions.

I wish people understood that there are a multitude of reasons why people wear the hijab, or choose not to, and wouldn’t make quick judgements.

It seems like people are making the assumption that you want to conform to Western beauty standards, or current trends, but thats not fair.

As a teenager, you’re still developing and figuring out your identity and self expression, and the fact that you felt a certain level of societal pressure to wear the hijab means that your expression was stifled a bit, bc it wasn’t necessarily a choice you made out of your own desire, but one you made bc you didnt want to be judged.

An old friend of mine wore the hijab from 5th grade right up to college but stopped wearing it recently, I’m assuming for reasons similar to yours.

When you are pushed to wear it that young, its inevitable that you feel stifled. You don’t even know who you are yet.

I know it hurts to see people switch up on you, but maybe another positive way to see it is as this change will show you who your true friends are